Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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