I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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