she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
