So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
