i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
