Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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