its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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