You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
