Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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