Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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