he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
