Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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