Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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