Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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