I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
