I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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