Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
