Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
is that a dick in a sweater?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
