cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
