Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
