Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
