Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
