The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
where are my eyebrows?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
