it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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