After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
