Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
