oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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