i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
