I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
