Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
