worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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