I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
