If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it penis luge time yet?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
