when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
