my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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