I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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