my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Even my vagina gasped.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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