Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
