I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
