she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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