Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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