this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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