im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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