Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
