I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
