some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
