Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
