Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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