PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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