I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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