Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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