Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
