i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
