I CAN MOONWALK!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
