so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
