I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
