my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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